Relationships can be fun, and they can be hard work. The best relationships are a little of both, I would say. I’m lucky enough to have had two chances at love, and I’m currently married to my perfect match. That is to say, the Yin to my Yang.
We are definitely different. I sometimes explain the relationship by saying “He is retired military, and I am not.” He keeps me grounded and I teach him to laugh at things. He is common sense, I am whimsy. He’s a few years older than me.
One thing about this journey we travel together. It does not involve V-necks, scoop necks, or crew necks. He insists that women of my age should wear collared shirts. I never saw this one coming 20 years ago. All I can say is thank God that polo shirts count as collared.
Sometimes I am a real renegade and wear something without a collar. I will wear a crew neck shirt, for instance, when I’m going to the grocery store by myself. He’s horrified by what I wear to get a pedicure, my cut off sweatpants and t-shirt. But when I’m with him, it’s a pretty safe bet that I am wearing a shirt with a collar.
People look at me funny when I say this. Some roll their eyes, and say that they would never let a man dictate to them what they wear. It violates a person’s individual rights. It’s ridiculous! It’s a form of abuse.
Here’s the thing… This is not a battle that I care anything about. If it pleases him that I dress conservatively, and wear a collared shirt, it is just not a big deal to me. There are things that mean a lot more, and I will argue until the end on these topics. Going forward, for the rest of my life, I will only buy collared shirts.
He does some things that irritate me, but not a lot of things, and not a lot of irritation. I’m sure he would say the same about me. Most people have qualities that we love about them. Then they will have some traits or habits… not so much! On the big issues, we see eye to eye. We work together on most things. We didn’t always, but we do now.
He supports my job, he supports my hobby, and encourages me to do everything I want to do. He doesn’t send me flowers, except sometimes on Valentine’s Day and our Anniversary. But, he pulled his back out to surprise me with a big, fat Christmas tree this past weekend. I came home from work, and it was up with lights on it. Magical! He sometimes helps me see things from a different angle. I think that is a big plus. Two heads are better than one when it comes to a lot of issues. I persuade him to my point of view on some things.
I don’t have a PhD in psychology. But, I know that when you’re in a relationship, you have to decide for yourself which points are the ones you won’t budge on. If everything bothers you, and you’re fighting all the time, reconsider your relationship. If everything is great all the time, you are living in a TV sitcom from the 1950’s.
Editing this, it looks like a testimony to my relationship with my husband. The point I am trying to make is that sometimes you have to stand up and make your feelings known. At other times, you just put on a collared shirt and get on with things.