Life Lessons

Happiness Now

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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How many times have you looked up to someone and thought “If I had their life, I would be happy”?  It’s natural… the whole “grass is greener” thing.

When I was a teenager, I was always envious of my best friend, who was so tiny and petite.  Years later, I confessed to her that I was jealous of her slight frame, and her ability to wear cute summer shirts. You well endowed women know what I’m talking about.  At the moment of my disclosure, she said “You’ve got to be kidding!”  She continued “I always felt like a boy next to you; I was so jealous of your curves!”  Sometimes you need to get a reality check and look at things from someone else’s perspective.

We rely on material things to make us happy.  Sometimes you want a nice car, a big house… maybe a boat, or a $3000 designer bag, or the latest Jordans.  You catch yourself thinking “When I get that extra special thing, I will be happy.”  And then, finally, you get that thing, that magical unicorn you’ve been dreaming of.  As it turns out, the struggle for acquisition was the best part.  Once your quest is over, you come face to face with the truth.  You’re still the same person, you just have a new possession. 

If you’re thinking you need to get another job, or live somewhere else to be happy, chances are you’re wrong about that, too.  You’ll be the same person, but with another job, or in another locale.  Quite often, we think “If only I could make a fresh start”.  You can make a fresh start, alright.  But not through external gratification.

Start from where you are, right here and right now.  Cultivate happiness within you that has nothing to do with your looks, your money, or your job.  All the stuff you have, and don’t have, doesn’t matter a bit.  You can add those things into the mix, but if you’re not happy now, those things won’t change you.

How many famous people kill themselves with a self-destructive lifestyle?  They’ve got money, fame, and everything that those things can bring.  Is that enough to sustain a person?  Nope.  I love the quote from Henry Ford when someone asked him how much money does it take to make a man happy.  His response:  “A little bit more”.  In the end, we all end up the same situation.

It’s good to have dreams.  Reach as high as you can.  Stretch right out of your comfort zone.  Remember that achieving those things will never make you as happy as the struggle to achieve them.  Put another way, it’s the journey and not the destination.  Moments in time, being with loved ones, trying your best, believing in yourself.  Those are the things that will bring happiness.  Lasting happiness.  The kind of happiness you deserve.

Be gentle with yourself.

– Cat

We’re All Doing the Best We Can!

/ Cat Harvey / 2 Comments

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It’s easy to judge others for not living up to the standards that we set for ourselves.  For most people, it’s a matter of thinking that you’re a better quality person than the next guy. Sometimes, we look up to folks that we think are better quality than us.  What does that even mean?

When I was younger, I viewed things in absolutes.  Things were black or white, with no room for gray.  As we age, we can see the subtleties, the gray in things.  If we don’t know someone’s back story, it’s easy to overlook that there might be one.

So, when I say that we’re all doing the best we can, I’m talking about every person.  We all carry emotional and psychological stuff around with us.  Sometimes it will get in the way of us being who we can be.  Often, we let damaging experiences define who we are.  We will dwell on them, instead of acknowledging them as part of who we are, but only part.

Some people are parents and they are not prepared or equipped to be parents.  Some people enter relationships that they are just not ready to be a part of.  Some people will not be able to bear the stress of their job, or life in general.  Some enter a grieving process and can’t let go. These are all real struggles, and they can affect the way we live our life.

Does it sound like I’m making excuses?  I’m not.  People will and should be accountable for their actions, one way or another.  Is that karma?  We all have to answer for things we do.  We all have regrets for things that haven’t gone so well in our past.

I’m saying that a person does their individual best.  They see things through their lens, and live life through their own filter.  Their best may not be very good, according to our standards.  Our best may not be good enough in their point of view.

The important thing is to consider that everyone is doing their best.

– Cat

 

Forgive Me… I’m Trying to Forgive You

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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One of my favorite quotes is:

“Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself”

When I was checking on the source for this quote, it looks like Suzanne Somers gets the most votes.  We had Tony Robbins in the mix, along with TD Jakes.  Well, it deserves deep consideration, no matter who authored it.

I’ve held a grudge.  I’ve fed it and nurtured it.  I’ve felt the burn. The person holding the grudge will always feel worse than the target of the anger and resentment.  If you are stubborn and slow to forgive, it will always hurt you more than anyone else.

I know it takes so much effort to forgive immediately and with sincerity, but the pay off is huge!

While we’re on the topic of forgiving, it’s okay to hold yourself to a high standard of ethics or morality.  But, we are human, and sometimes we hurt other people, even if we don’t mean to.  Be quick to forgive yourself in the midst of your guilt trip.

The usual form of an apology is:  “I’m sorry that I got angry, BUT….”  Make your statement and then stop.  Don’t qualify your feelings and take the argument to the next level.  If you have a fight with a friend, both parties should apologize.  That’s what friends do.  It’s called making up.

Resolving a rift between friends can put you right on the mountaintop.  It feels blissful to bring restoration to a broken relationship.  You’ll be wondering why you waited so long!

Just a word of caution.  Remember, that while your feelings of forgiveness towards someone may feel right to you, they may take time to bring a resolution.  Your words and gestures of apology may not be returned right away, if at all.  Forgive anyway. You can only control your side of the equation.  This is something that we must learn from.  It’s part of life.  This is what it means to be accountable; to accept the consequences of your actions.

Who can you forgive today?  Give yourself a gift and get started.

– Cat

What’s Your Superpower?

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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Photo by Tyler Lambert

Superheroes have been around for a while, but they are more popular than ever!  Lots of popular movies and  TV shows tell the story of a Superhero, or sometimes a group of them.

 I’m not one that’s caught up in the Superhero media craze. I like to celebrate everyday people who develop their own superpowers.  We each have at least one personality attribute that can be used for good, which we know can defeat evil, right?

I’ve used this exercise before, in encouraging and demonstrating individual strengths in the workplace.  As part of a team, you might not have patience. If you know the person next to you does, you can turn to them for help and advice when you need to.  If I’m feeling down, but I know your positivity is infectious, I can hang out with you until I’m all powered up.

But enough about everybody else.  Let’s talk about you for a minute.  Take some time right now and think about your superpower.  What’s the one thing, the one strength you have, that we can all rely on to make the world a better place.  Is it your smile, your sense of humor? Is it your determination, your tenacity?  Is it your helpful attitude?  Your quest for knowledge? Are you a good listener?  Empathetic?  Humble?

I’ve given you a few examples, now it’s up to you to put the concept together.  You see, your special gift is what helps you contribute to this group project we call life.  By developing and putting your talents to work, you improve the planet.

Every once in a while, I run across someone who tells me that they don’t have a superpower.  They don’t recognize any talent or gift within themselves.  So, it’s safe to say that positivity is not their strong suit.  If you’re in the club of naysayers, ask someone you love, or work with, maybe someone in your family…. Hey, do I have any superpowers?

Chances are, you’ll get them thinking about their own superpower, while they’re helping you get yours figured out.  Once you do this exercise a few times, you’ll start noticing other people’s talents with a sharper eye.  Before you know it, we’re all going around appreciating each other!

Okay… maybe I took that a little farther than I should have.  But the point is, we can grow and learn through this exercise.  Try it.  I’ll bet it won’t take you much time at all.  I’m thinking that you’ll have a hard time narrowing it down to just one.

Let me know how it goes!

-Cat

Being A Phoenix

/ Cat Harvey / 1 Comment

When I opened my blog about a week ago, I asked the question “Can we reinvent ourselves?” For me, it was a rhetorical question.  In Greek mythology, a phoenix is a bird who dies in a fire of its own making, and then rises up from the ashes to live again.  I know a little something about being a phoenix.

If you’re reading this right now, you know something about it too.  We all have setbacks, whether we’re given to high drama, or whether we keep things to ourselves.  History is full of stories of famous unsuccessful attempts.  The Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, Michael Jordan, all failed.  You know that saying, credited to George Custer, “It’s not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it’s how many times you get back up?”  I’m here to testify; It’s TRUE!

I’ve failed, I’ve been embarrassed by my failures, I’ve doubted that I could rise up again.  But I’ve done it.  A failed first marriage, two failed businesses, estrangement from loved ones…you know, the usual stuff.  It has taken tenacity.  Some days I had the sense I was just compelled to push on.  I do feel like a phoenix, and that’s a special kind of energy in itself.  That’s what matters.  It’s not what others think about your successes and failures.

When you fumble the ball, get it back as soon as you can and run for a touchdown.  Now, your chance to get the ball back may not come on the next play.  It may be the next game, or the next season, or you might even have to wait until you get traded and someone else gives you another chance to have the ball. But, you’ve got to be ready when it comes.  (I’m not into sports. I don’t know why I used that analogy, but I like it)

So, just go ahead and rise up from the ashes!  Be a phoenix!  It’s never over, as long as you get up in the morning.

  • Cat