You Are A Badass… How to Stop Doubting your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life!

I haven’t done a book review on here yet, but I’m stepping out on a limb to tell you about this book by Jen Sincero.  I have the audio version, and get a great coaching now every time I’m in the car!

First Warning – There will be bad language.  Jen gives you the real.  If you have sensitive ears….

Second Warning – I am now unstoppable in my quest to take over the world after hearing this great mix of wisdom and humor.

In this book, she talks about the doubt she had for the self-help community.  She thought that inspirational and motivational quotes were crap.

Right off the bat, she talks about the difference between wanting to change your life, and deciding to change your life.  What a distinction, right?  In my last post, Being Brave, I talked about being cautious vs. being brave.  I love this quote from Anais Nin that Jen used in this book that speaks right to that point.

“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”

She talks about being a religious and spiritual skeptic.  Like many of us, her views shifted over time.  A lot of her story reminded me of a situation that I dealt with when I owned a service business.

A had an employee with a drinking problem.  I kinda knew, and I kinda didn’t want to know.  Basically, I didn’t want to deal with it.  I had a talk with him about it.  He said he knew he had a problem, and that he was working on it.  When a customer complained, I had to call him into my office.  I realized at this point that having a good talk with him was not going to do anything. 

I let him go, and he was very nice about it.  He said that I had given him chances that nobody else would have, and that he understood my position.  So, I asked him “Have you thought about giving AA a try?”  He responded by saying that he looked into it, but it seemed like they talked about God too much.  I looked him in the eye and said “Sometimes you have to ask yourself… Is my way working?”

Jen transitions nicely from So What? to Game Plan.  She gives a refresher on the importance of mindfulness.  There’s a discussion on using meditation to reach your goals.  Then there’s the chapter called “Gratitude: The Gateway Drug to Awesomeness”.

I had never heard the quote from Albert Einstein:

Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous.

Anyway, if you want to feel inspired and motivated to add more of anything positive in your life.  Go buy this book.  Or download it.  100 percent recommend it!  Let me know how you like it!

– Cat

 

Being Brave

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It’s hard work, being brave.  I love this quote, because it’s so true.  We do think of Braveheart, or war heroes, and even Merida in the movie BRAVE.  We do think of people without fear, being strong and living their lives, no matter what gets hurled at them.

The truth is, we’re all scared.  Of all kinds of things.  Some people seem scared.  Some people seem brave.  But none of us get out of this life without some hurt, frustration, and self-doubt.

I saw an ad on Facebook… I know, shocker, huh?  It’s advertising jewelry to promote awareness of mental health issues, particularly depression and suicide.  I’m thinking about getting this piece of jewelry.  Because it’s a great cause, and we could use some dialogue.

But really… I want it because on it are the words Be Brave.  I want it to remind me everyday that you’ve got to be brave.  You’ve got to process and deal with whatever crosses your path.  We all need reminding from time to time.

When I think of some of the cancer survivors that I know, I am overwhelmed at how brave they are.  When you lose someone close to you, it takes bravery to get through the following days.  For some people, getting out of bed in the morning is an act of bravery.  I would say that on the bravery challenge sliding scale, I’m someone there in the middle.

Another quote on bravery that really got to me:

“Be Brave.  Even if you’re not, pretend to be.  No one can tell the difference.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

That’s true, though.  By the time you convince others that you are brave, you have almost convinced yourself!

I love the complexity of humans.  Two things strike me in particular:

  • How resilient we are
  • How fragile we are

What makes the difference between bending and breaking?

It’s bravery!

The ability to say “Is that all you’ve got to throw at me, life?”  The  fine art of planning your next bold move while the walls are falling down.  Being a phoenix.

I feel as though I’ve been more cautious than brave as I moved through life.  I’ve paid the price for that too.  Some people do see me as brave.  I hope I’ve got them fooled, since that means I’m on my way to actually being brave!

– Cat

Reaching For Joy

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It’s easy to be overcome by events in our lives.  Sometimes, we go through things that are so profound, and so tragic, they can stop us in our tracks.  We may have trouble moving forward again.  People lose loved ones… parents, friends, and children.  Ending a marriage, or losing custody of children  can be devastating.  Stress, depression, and anxiety can bear down like a cloud that will not break.

When you are grieving, other people sometimes decide when it’s time to “get over it”.  When I hear of instances like this, I pause to wonder.  Are we ever supposed to “get over” these life altering events?  Waking up one day during a period of mourning and saying, “there, I’m better now”, seems stranger than a prolonged period of sadness.  It becomes part of who you are.

I think that that’s the key.  Accepting that it is part of your story.  The trick is not letting it define you.  It’s something that you carry with you for the rest of your life, but it’s not the essence of who you are.

We must be kind to ourselves, and allow ourselves to heal.  This recovery usually has some real twists and turns.  I think it becomes difficult to let people in to help.  Often, we feel as though we have to fight these battles alone. It can be hard to reach out to people who can nurture us.

Accepting that you deserve to be happy is tough to do, sometimes.  You may fall short of the mark as you reach for joy, but keep reaching.  Staying positive is crucial.  Twelve step programs advocate taking a “One day at a time” approach.  I’ve written before about my strategy that I call “Keep putting on foot in front of the other”.  Forward motion, however small, is necessary.

The struggle is worth it!

– Cat

One Foot in Front of the Other

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We all encounter dark days as we take this journey through life.  Sometimes we feel as though we just can’t take any more.  It is during this time that you have to keep pushing, even if you don’t see the point.

The point is that this is the ebb and flow of life.  Nobody escapes the roller coaster effect.  Sometimes you are traveling down a path and something happens to force a fork in the road.  Decision time.  Sometimes you reach a corner, and there seems to be a signpost.  One side says “Your Life Now”, and the other says “No Longer an Option”.

Sometimes you walk through a door, then turn back only to find the door is locked.  Okay… enough gloomy examples.  What I want to you remember is that, no matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other.  There is a light, and you will find it.  But you must keep moving forward.

If you feel as though this doesn’t apply to you, and that you’ve got everything figured out, more power to you!  Most people who I’ve met will struggle from time to time.  Tell us the secret in the comments section of this post.  I have these dark days too.  I’m not saying I have everything dialed in.  I’m just sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes that it will help you.

I think the critical issue is faith.  I don’t necessary mean faith in God, or in a higher being, although that will work well.  Let’s call it the faith that things will work out exactly like they’re supposed to.   We can all agree that it’s hard to know whether something is a blessing or a curse until you’re on the other side of it.  Sometimes you never find out.

If you are a person that prays, how many times have you caught yourself praying, “Here’s my problem, God, and here’s how you need to fix it!”  We run into trouble when we assume that we know the big picture.  That’s impossible for anyone to know, as our lives are revealed to us bit by bit, not on a big map or relevant timeline.

Yes, make goals for yourself.  Yes, have dreams and work towards fulfilling them.  Give yourself that sense of direction.  But, for every disappointment, or setback you perceive, have faith and keep it going, step by step.  If you see that someone else has stumbled, pick them up and remind them to keep going.  Offer encouragement where you can.  There are plenty of opportunities to go around.

Accept encouragement from others.  You deserve it.

Keep it going!

– Cat

Self-Esteem – Where Can I Get It?

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There is so much talk these days about self-esteem.

Sometimes people hold others accountable for damage… or even possible damage, to their self-esteem.  We often feel that high self esteem is something that we’re all entitled to.  Some folks think that everything hinges on it.  Others downplay it’s importance.  It’s definitely become a catch phrase.

I can hold you in high esteem, but I can’t hold you in high self-esteem. Self- esteem comes from within the self, not from external sources.  It is how you view yourself, take pride in yourself, and is often reflected in the way you care for yourself.

How can you make an impact on the way you view yourself?  What you do, and what you say to yourself, should be your concentration. Here’s how you can do you… and increase your self-esteem while you’re at it.

Find Some Work Worth Doing

When you spend your time contributing to society, you will feel your self-esteem blossom and grow.  This is usually done through your work, which is where you spend most of your waking hours.  Unemployed? Use this time to learn a new skill, do some self-reflection, and make good use of your time out.  Can you volunteer? Do something that interests you.

Be Helpful

Just pitch in.  Get started.  We all have talents that we fail to use to their potential.  If nothing else, we all need encouragement.  Ask yourself “who can I encourage today?”.  A smile goes a long way.  Make it your goal to give smiles away and collect them in equal measure.

Forgive Yourself

Are you experiencing depression, financial trouble, or relationship problems?  It’s easy to blame yourself.  Start today to forgive yourself.  “Why can’t I feel better?”, “Why am I so bad with money?”, “Why can’t I make my partner happy?”.  Feeling guilty and beating yourself up never works as a strategy for coping.

Talk to Yourself

You can run a negative talk track with yourself, or a positive one.  You have total control over what you tell yourself.  Even if you have to “fake it until you make it”, you have got to nourish yourself with kind words. No matter what your issues are, you just can’t afford the luxury of talking down to yourself.

Have an Open Heart

What do I mean by that?  I mean that you approach everyone you meet with an open heart.  Be willing to be present in every interaction.  Don’t downplay the importance of connecting.   Listen and reflect on the conversations you have with others. Every path you cross is an opportunity for you to make a connection outside of yourself.

So, to wrap it up, how you choose to spend your time and resources can bring you the biggest sense of pride in yourself.  Don’t wait for others to serve you up a heaping dish of self-esteem.  No matter the circumstances, your self esteem is yours to claim!

    – Cat

You Could Spell Pigeon If You Had The Right Letters

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Photo by Tyler Lambert

In my family, we play Scrabble.  My daughter plays. I play. My Mom plays. Her Mom played.  Other women in our family, as well as close family friends, have joined in over the generations.  We even let the men play from time to time.  We’ve had marathon games, and we’ve  heard stories about memorable games over the years.  It’s kind of like sports in other families.  At family gatherings, we would fix dinner, eat, clean up, and settle in to play.

My daughter has the deluxe version of the game, with the rotating turntable board.  It’s the actual one that I bought for my Granny.  The Styrofoam is missing from one corner.  It was chewed away by a skunk that got into it at Granny’s house, where she stored it in the dining room – that’s a whole different story.  Inside the lid, you can find documented historical moves.  You can see the date when Granny’s best friend, Francis, dumped her rack.  You can also see particularly high score games and other outstanding accomplishments.

My husband is from Scotland. We played Scrabble on our wedding night.  He likes to think he can use words that are common usage in the UK, but I only allow this when we are playing in UK.  He is a good player, and it’s usually a pretty close game between us.  I keep a little notebook in my Scrabble box, so that I can keep a dated record of every game played.  My letter tiles are in a bag that my Mom sewed for me after the original bag gave out.  It’s made out of a pig print fabric, because I love pigs.

You see, there is a reason why you have to get dinner, and all the clean up, done before you start to play.  You never know when a game is going to end.  It’s not unheard of for a nap to happen between moves.  There is a story of one such game that has been retold many times in our family. It presents a great analogy for life, so it’s value is immeasurable.

So, Granny, Francis, and my Great Aunt Clydie, are playing into the night.  Granny’s son, my Uncle Chris, is a little boy sitting on laps.  He  moves around the table as the women take their turns.  He knows he is not allowed to give away any secrets.  He can see all of the letters on everyone’s rack, and studies them as he moves from seat to seat.  The play is long, the room is quiet.  My Uncle looks up and says “You could spell PIGEON if you had the right letters.”  Everyone has a good laugh at this punchline.

The point is, you can spell anything if you have the right letters.  So it is with life.  As you move through life, you will sometimes get the distinct feeling that your rack is full of vowels, without a consonant in sight.  Sometimes, you have all the high scoring letters, but you’re sunk without a vowel. Then there are the times when you’ve got an awesome word, but no place to play it.  Some days, everything works for you, and you dump your rack.  You will struggle as you grow, trying to beat your Mom, or your Granny, in a game.  When you do, it may not feel as sweet as you expected.

You get to pick your letters, but you don’t get to see them first…  Just like life.  We need to accept our letters and play our best every day.  It’s always easier when every thing goes your way, and your letters are perfect. Sometimes, though, when you have no other options, just play your word and move on. 

Being A Phoenix

When I opened my blog about a week ago, I asked the question “Can we reinvent ourselves?” For me, it was a rhetorical question.  In Greek mythology, a phoenix is a bird who dies in a fire of its own making, and then rises up from the ashes to live again.  I know a little something about being a phoenix.

If you’re reading this right now, you know something about it too.  We all have setbacks, whether we’re given to high drama, or whether we keep things to ourselves.  History is full of stories of famous unsuccessful attempts.  The Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, Michael Jordan, all failed.  You know that saying, credited to George Custer, “It’s not how many times you get knocked down that counts, it’s how many times you get back up?”  I’m here to testify; It’s TRUE!

I’ve failed, I’ve been embarrassed by my failures, I’ve doubted that I could rise up again.  But I’ve done it.  A failed first marriage, two failed businesses, estrangement from loved ones…you know, the usual stuff.  It has taken tenacity.  Some days I had the sense I was just compelled to push on.  I do feel like a phoenix, and that’s a special kind of energy in itself.  That’s what matters.  It’s not what others think about your successes and failures.

When you fumble the ball, get it back as soon as you can and run for a touchdown.  Now, your chance to get the ball back may not come on the next play.  It may be the next game, or the next season, or you might even have to wait until you get traded and someone else gives you another chance to have the ball. But, you’ve got to be ready when it comes.  (I’m not into sports. I don’t know why I used that analogy, but I like it)

So, just go ahead and rise up from the ashes!  Be a phoenix!  It’s never over, as long as you get up in the morning.

  • Cat