Life Lessons

Being Brave

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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It’s hard work, being brave.  I love this quote, because it’s so true.  We do think of Braveheart, or war heroes, and even Merida in the movie BRAVE.  We do think of people without fear, being strong and living their lives, no matter what gets hurled at them.

The truth is, we’re all scared.  Of all kinds of things.  Some people seem scared.  Some people seem brave.  But none of us get out of this life without some hurt, frustration, and self-doubt.

I saw an ad on Facebook… I know, shocker, huh?  It’s advertising jewelry to promote awareness of mental health issues, particularly depression and suicide.  I’m thinking about getting this piece of jewelry.  Because it’s a great cause, and we could use some dialogue.

But really… I want it because on it are the words Be Brave.  I want it to remind me everyday that you’ve got to be brave.  You’ve got to process and deal with whatever crosses your path.  We all need reminding from time to time.

When I think of some of the cancer survivors that I know, I am overwhelmed at how brave they are.  When you lose someone close to you, it takes bravery to get through the following days.  For some people, getting out of bed in the morning is an act of bravery.  I would say that on the bravery challenge sliding scale, I’m someone there in the middle.

Another quote on bravery that really got to me:

“Be Brave.  Even if you’re not, pretend to be.  No one can tell the difference.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

That’s true, though.  By the time you convince others that you are brave, you have almost convinced yourself!

I love the complexity of humans.  Two things strike me in particular:

  • How resilient we are
  • How fragile we are

What makes the difference between bending and breaking?

It’s bravery!

The ability to say “Is that all you’ve got to throw at me, life?”  The  fine art of planning your next bold move while the walls are falling down.  Being a phoenix.

I feel as though I’ve been more cautious than brave as I moved through life.  I’ve paid the price for that too.  Some people do see me as brave.  I hope I’ve got them fooled, since that means I’m on my way to actually being brave!

– Cat

In the Year 2000

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

 

When I was a kid in elementary school, most people had a TV in their home, but not everybody did.  I guess that’s why they trotted us down to the school auditorium every so often to watch Walter Cronkite.  He narrated a show called “The 21st Century”.  The show was, at first, called “The 20th Century” and took a look at history.  It changed in 1967 to “The 21st Century”, a show about the future.  I found and attached this YouTube clip so you can check it out.

It’s a funny video to watch, and it’s interesting to see what they got right and what they missed the mark on.  It seems to me that some of the things we see today are way ahead of where they thought we would be.

Somethings though… Where is this 30 hour work week that was coming along with  the increased technological advances?  The thing I’m most disappointed with…  No flying cars.  There wouldn’t be any traffic jams in the year 2000.  We would all be driving flying cars to relieve the road system.

Now I’m asking you to think of a time you were in a traffic jam.  We have them every day here in the Washington, DC, area.  Realistically, I don’t think we’d be better off if everyone was flying, instead of driving, in most scenarios.  Anyway, I feel like I Walter lied to me.

The future is hard to predict.  I remember selling computers in the nineties.  Most people were buying their first home computers. The knowledge and familiarity were just not there.  People would come in and say “My kid needs a computer for school”.  It’s the same as people who come into a cell phone store now and say “My grandkid says I need an iPhone.”

I can’t be too hard on Walter.  3D printers are $3500 now.  I guess it won’t be long before they’re affordable and we all have one.  If you try to think fifty years into the future, I’ll bet you don’t know the half of it.  It would be interesting to write down your predictions and revisit them in fifty years.  I don’t have that kind of time, but maybe you do.

It’s hard to believe that we’re getting ready to ring in 2017!  When I was a kid, 2000 was way in front of us.  Now, the Year 2000 is long gone.

Happy New Year!  Have a great 2017! I hope we get flying cars soon.

– Cat

Review, Reflect, Reinvent, Resolve

/ Cat Harvey / 1 Comment

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I’ve seen so many posts on social media in the past few weeks.  It seems like so many people are just over 2016.  Lots of folks are saying that 2017 has to be better than 2016.  Is one year better than the rest, or is every year what you make of it?

The title of this post lists the four things I like to do over New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day.  For some people it’s a time to party hard.  I prefer to use the time for marking progress and moving on.  Of course, I like to celebrate as much as the next person! As the new year begins, though, I like to start with a sense of purpose.

Review

When you’re reviewing 2016, be mindful of the ups and don’t focus on the downs.  There will be plenty of tough spots in every year.  Rent them… don’t make a long-term investment in them.

Reflect

Spend some time reflecting on your accomplishments and your opportunities during the past year.   Bask in the sunlight of your achievements.  You really did a great job in a lot of areas last year!  Maybe everything didn’t go as planned. But let’s face it, some things went extremely well.  What would you like to change?

Reinvent

If anything were possible, what would you work towards in the coming year?  What’s keeping you from getting where you want to be? Use this precise moment when the year changes to reinvent yourself. You’re in charge of creating the life you want!

Resolve

Set your mind where you want to go, and fix your sights on it.  Then turn your feet in that direction and start moving.  Don’t allow yourself to be distracted.  This is not a dress rehearsal… this is your one shot! It’s go time!  2017

If you think that this sounds like a pep talk, it is!  It’s my new and improved 2017 pep talk to myself.  I’m sharing it with you, because I suspect you need a pep talk too!  If you don’t… tell me how you figured it out!  If you do, you can borrow mine, or create your own.  But whatever we do,  we won’t let life “happen” to us in 2017!

– Cat

How Did I Miss That?

/ Cat Harvey / 1 Comment

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Sometimes, I contemplate experiences that I’ve had in my life. And, I wonder “Why did I take that for granted?”.  It makes me think more about being present, more mindful, in the moment.

Here’s what I mean.  As we age, we pass through different stages in our lives.  Friendships, family, and relationships tend to mutate as you move through the changes.  When you’re single, you tend to gravitate towards single people.  It’s natural to want to be with folks that are living the same lifestyle as you.  You like to do single people things.

When you’re married, or  when you’re a young parent, you will develop friendships with people who are at a similar stage in their life.  You don’t plan for relationships to change, they just do.  You may be close to a friend when you’re both single, going out, doing things together.  Then, when you become a parent, you find that you just don’t have much in common with them anymore.  It’s natural to form new friendships and for these earlier bonds to fade.

It’s a part of life, but it’s still a bit sad.  There’s the saying that some people are in your life for a reason, and some for a season.  Sometimes you’re lucky, and you can find a friend to drag through life with you.  Every once in a while, I mourn for a moment that I took for granted with someone.

In the break room exchanging views on life with Erin. Having lunch with Amy, and taking road trips with Catie. Having ice cream in Scotland with Scott, Lesley and Iain.  Seeing Diane talk in sign language with her customers. The time Travis caught that bird.  The time I laughed so hard with David that we couldn’t finish dinner. I miss all the great bosses I’ve had.  All the amazing coworkers I’ve been blessed with over the years.  Above all, the joys I had with my kids when they were little.  We don’t realize at the time how precious those connections are. 

 It’s not that you “break up”.  Erin and I are still friends.  We just don’t work together anymore.  She lives pretty far away, and is a young mother.  The opportunity to have lunch together and get all the problems of the world settled is just not there.  We don’t even get to talk much.  It feels like those moments are in an alternate universe now.

And, of course, we make new friendships, and connect, and adapt.  I don’t mean to sound so glum.  I don’t think that these thoughts are unique to me.  It’s just a realization that’s part of the aging process, I guess.  Maybe it’s just a case of reminiscing about “the good old days”.  We all do that from time to time.

So… life continues.  That’s beautiful, especially considering the alternatives!  Let’s not get bogged down in stress and schedules.  Let’s be aware of the people and good times in our lives.  We may miss them some day…

– Cat

Great Expectations

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

 

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So often in life, reality falls short of our expectations.  I think that some people marry because they are in love with the idea of marriage.  The idea of marriage, as it turns out, is a lot different from actually  being in a marriage.

I think that the biggest gap between reality and expectation comes when you have your first child.  When you are expecting… you are “expecting” something in particular.  There is the ideal of a two-way bond between mother and child.  You will know just what to do, and when to do it.  You and your child, in perfect partnership, will form a circle of unconditional love.

Then, you give birth.  It’s a little more uncomfortable than you were expecting.  Most babies cry a lot.  It’s a puzzle that you often can’t put together.  You think you will know just what the baby needs, and how to stop the tears.  Hmmm… not so much.  But, Oh!  Look at that little angel sleeping!  Nap time is indeed magical.

Will you ever sleep again?  Let’s say that your sleep habits are going to evolve for this point on.   Just as you muddle through the days feeling a bit overwhelmed, your baby smiles at you!  And so it goes, as you move through the phases of parenthood.  You are joyful, and tearful, at times.

When I started this blog, I wrote about my friend, Maryann.  She had children older than mine, and used to joke, saying, “It doesn’t get better, it just gets different”.  So true!  Every age brings it own unique challenges and moments of beauty.  It’s an amazing thing to watch your children grow.

Going into it, you think it’s an eighteen to twenty year commitment.  When do you stop worrying?  Well, my first baby is 38 now, and I haven’t stopped yet.  Even when your children are grown up, and have children of their own, you can’t help but think about them and their families.

Another thing that comes completely unexpected when you have your first child.  You finally “get” your own mother.  You understand a lot of her advice, and a lot of her worrying.  It’s definitely an “aha” moment.

I have four children.  With each one, I became a little more familiar with the process, and confident with my parenting skills.  Of course the more children you have, the more “crazy time” you have at your house.  If you have children, I don’t need to explain what that phrase means.

I’ve mentioned before that my daughter is “expecting”.  Since it’s her second child, she knows a little bit more about what to actually expect. She’s a wonderful mother to my grandson, Carl, and I know that her new son will be a blessing to our family!  I also know she will be tired and feel overwhelmed at times.

Some things remain the same, whether you have children or not.  You might be experiencing the ups and downs of marriage.  It doesn’t matter if you are single, divorced, widowed, in love, or lonely… you will have good days and bad days.  The trick is to remember the good days when you’re in the middle of a bad day.

Parenting is an adventure that I can recommend without reservation.  But watch out for those “great expectations”.

– Cat

 

 

Reaching For Joy

/ Cat Harvey / 1 Comment

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It’s easy to be overcome by events in our lives.  Sometimes, we go through things that are so profound, and so tragic, they can stop us in our tracks.  We may have trouble moving forward again.  People lose loved ones… parents, friends, and children.  Ending a marriage, or losing custody of children  can be devastating.  Stress, depression, and anxiety can bear down like a cloud that will not break.

When you are grieving, other people sometimes decide when it’s time to “get over it”.  When I hear of instances like this, I pause to wonder.  Are we ever supposed to “get over” these life altering events?  Waking up one day during a period of mourning and saying, “there, I’m better now”, seems stranger than a prolonged period of sadness.  It becomes part of who you are.

I think that that’s the key.  Accepting that it is part of your story.  The trick is not letting it define you.  It’s something that you carry with you for the rest of your life, but it’s not the essence of who you are.

We must be kind to ourselves, and allow ourselves to heal.  This recovery usually has some real twists and turns.  I think it becomes difficult to let people in to help.  Often, we feel as though we have to fight these battles alone. It can be hard to reach out to people who can nurture us.

Accepting that you deserve to be happy is tough to do, sometimes.  You may fall short of the mark as you reach for joy, but keep reaching.  Staying positive is crucial.  Twelve step programs advocate taking a “One day at a time” approach.  I’ve written before about my strategy that I call “Keep putting on foot in front of the other”.  Forward motion, however small, is necessary.

The struggle is worth it!

– Cat

Making A Difference – Going Viral

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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I was going to use the starfish story to make my point here, but I think that’s been overdone. Instead, I’ll go with the marketing of Faberge Organics shampoo.  These commercials ran in the eighties, so the story might be new to some of you.

The premise is that you’ll use this shampoo.  Then you’ll tell two friends.  And then they’ll tell two friends.  Who will tell two friends.  And so on, and so on…

This is a perfect example of viral marketing, although it didn’t have a flashy name in the eighties.  Let’s apply it to making a difference and impacting your circle of influence.  Oh, you didn’t know you had a circle of influence?  You do.  It’s made up of the guy that gets your coffee in the morning, the guy pumping gas next to you at the gas station, and the lady at the bank.  It includes your boss, coworkers, and customers.  It even encompasses your family, your friends, and your neighbors.  You get the idea. When you tally all this up exponentially, you’re a pretty big deal!

So, starting every day with a clean slate, you make a choice with each of these interactions.  You decide whether to make a human connection.  You can smile and say “good morning”, or you can avoid eye contact. You can approach with a pleasant attitude, and recognize that everyone needs encouragement.  Perhaps you’d rather go around with a chip on your shoulder.  It could be that you feel stressed and rushed, and you can’t be bothered.  Maybe you are shy, or maybe even snobby.  Or, you might think it’s better to stick to yourself and mind your own business.

It’s definitely safer to stay in your shell and avoid the world.  There’s not much risk in that.  Neither is there any reward.  Make yourself unapproachable, and there’s a pretty good chance you won’t be approached. But, you’re not cashing in… remember, you’re a big deal.

Here’s my strategy:  Let people know who you are, and that it matters to you whether they have a good day.  Say hello, and offer your warmth.  Exert your superpower and unleash your sunshine on everyone that you meet.  Some people will roll their eyes.  Some people will look away.  But, most people will respond in kind.

Back to the shampoo commercial.  These people will use their influence, which has been lifted by you, with the people that they meet in the course of their day.  And so on… You get the picture.  Instead of going viral with videos of silly stuff, let’s be serious about being joyful and spreading that joy.  Take it to the next level!

Who wins in this scenario?  Everyone that responds to you, and everyone that they pass it on to.  Do you know who benefits the most from this?  It’s you!

See what you can do tomorrow!

-Cat

Don’t Pray For Patience

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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We are babysitting our three granddaughters this weekend.  We volunteered for the job, since our daughter in law is recovering from surgery.  These girls are magical, and a joy to spend time with.  The youngest, Sawyer, turned a year old a couple of months ago. The oldest, Pepper, just turned six.  The middle child, Amelia, is… well, I guess we’ll say “strong-willed”.  Her parents will not be offended by my remarks.  They know about it already.  It reminds me of the old adage:

Don’t pray for patience.  If you do, God will send you a situation that requires it.  

We are empty nesters, and close to retirement.  It is obvious to us at times like these that people are meant to have children when they are young.  It is exhausting!  But being a grandparent is so much more fun than being a parent.  I had four children in five years.  That was a lot of work, too.  But I was in my early twenties when I started on the project.  Although my marriage didn’t go the distance, those kids sure did.

My kids used to ask me when they were little, “How come grandmothers are so nice, and you are so mean?”  I told them that “a grandmother only has one job, which is to love you”.  Parents have to make sure that you’re healthy, clean, well-behaved, successful, educated, and happy.  Babysitting grandchildren is something you can do on a part-time basis.  Parenting is an intense, day by day experience.  You don’t get many breaks, and when you do, you don’t know how to act.

I watched over one of my grandsons, Carl, for a longer stretch than usual this past Summer.  My daughter had a hard time accepting that he had Cocoa Puffs for his lunch one day.  She had expected him to have chicken and broccoli.  I just let him have what he asked for.  It’s not like he’s allergic to Cocoa Puffs.  At the end of our week-long adventure, my daughter made the observation that I wasn’t a rule maker.  I’m not… I’m a grandmother!

My oldest grandchild, Felix, told me a few months ago that I had the least amount of “swag” out of everyone in our whole family.  When he has more than a dozen grandparents, that puts you pretty low on the swag chart.  It’s okay. I know I’m cool. It does make me try harder, though.  That’s why I own stock in the PEZ company.  Amelia asked me today, “do you have one of those plastic things with the candy in it?”  I’m famous for having PEZ on hand, but got caught short on dispensers today.

Oscar will be three in May.  He’s my mini me, blonde hair and blue eyes.  The last time he saw me he said “Gigi, I missed you so much”.  His Mom said he told Santa that too.  I hope he doesn’t tell everyone that, because I felt really special in that moment.

-Cat

 

One Foot in Front of the Other

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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We all encounter dark days as we take this journey through life.  Sometimes we feel as though we just can’t take any more.  It is during this time that you have to keep pushing, even if you don’t see the point.

The point is that this is the ebb and flow of life.  Nobody escapes the roller coaster effect.  Sometimes you are traveling down a path and something happens to force a fork in the road.  Decision time.  Sometimes you reach a corner, and there seems to be a signpost.  One side says “Your Life Now”, and the other says “No Longer an Option”.

Sometimes you walk through a door, then turn back only to find the door is locked.  Okay… enough gloomy examples.  What I want to you remember is that, no matter what, keep putting one foot in front of the other.  There is a light, and you will find it.  But you must keep moving forward.

If you feel as though this doesn’t apply to you, and that you’ve got everything figured out, more power to you!  Most people who I’ve met will struggle from time to time.  Tell us the secret in the comments section of this post.  I have these dark days too.  I’m not saying I have everything dialed in.  I’m just sharing what I’ve learned in the hopes that it will help you.

I think the critical issue is faith.  I don’t necessary mean faith in God, or in a higher being, although that will work well.  Let’s call it the faith that things will work out exactly like they’re supposed to.   We can all agree that it’s hard to know whether something is a blessing or a curse until you’re on the other side of it.  Sometimes you never find out.

If you are a person that prays, how many times have you caught yourself praying, “Here’s my problem, God, and here’s how you need to fix it!”  We run into trouble when we assume that we know the big picture.  That’s impossible for anyone to know, as our lives are revealed to us bit by bit, not on a big map or relevant timeline.

Yes, make goals for yourself.  Yes, have dreams and work towards fulfilling them.  Give yourself that sense of direction.  But, for every disappointment, or setback you perceive, have faith and keep it going, step by step.  If you see that someone else has stumbled, pick them up and remind them to keep going.  Offer encouragement where you can.  There are plenty of opportunities to go around.

Accept encouragement from others.  You deserve it.

Keep it going!

– Cat

Some College

/ Cat Harvey / Leave a comment

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I started college early.  I was just sixteen at the time.  I graduated high school early, skipping my senior year. In my junior year of high school, I was enrolled in high school and college concurrently.

Then, I had a fight with my father.  I dropped out of college, and moved out of the house at seventeen.  I was determined to make a go of it, and worked full time.  I was fiercely independent, but I knew I had made the wrong decision about college.  So, I took college courses in the evening.  That was difficult to do, and after a while it took a toll on me.

Once I married at eighteen and had a child, I tried to go back and get my degree.  I went to school three full days a week, with a great granny watching my son, Thom.  I had an 8:00 am political science class, which I approached with great enthusiasm.  Then… two things started happening during the 8:00 am class:  I would fall asleep or throw up.  You guessed it, blessed with a second baby.

I took that as a sign from God that I should finish up my degree “later.” Two more kids later, college was no longer featuring in my dreams, let alone my life.  I wasn’t sad about it.  I was busy, with my hands full, and my heart full as well.  I would take a class now and then.

A few years ago, I was in a meeting at work.  I had a chance for an advancement program, and was nominated in front of a bunch of coworkers.  It was a great opportunity.   But I had to say, in front of everybody, that I didn’t have the required college degree.  I made the decision then to give college another try.  Enrolling in an online university, I was an exuberant scholar.  I got perfect marks in everything I did.

Then the day came.  I got some points taken off on a paper that I had written.  I was extremely mad about it.  My husband explained that it was actually okay that it happened, and it was good for me.  I let that sink in, and realized that he was right.  I took a break from school at the end of the semester, though.  We were moving to a new area after twenty years in our house.  This demanded more time and energy than I could devote while studying.

So, it’s still left undone. I’m a grandmother now, and I work full time, and I can’t say with certainty that I’ll ever finish.  Maybe when I retire.  When my daughter, Catie, was in college, she told me she was going to take a semester off.  I told her that she wasn’t.  We both felt like I was being too pushy at the time, but we’re both glad now that she has her master’s degree.  My father is in his eighties and still takes college courses, if they interest him.

Some college.  Well, that could mean anything.  It could mean two classes.  It could mean almost there.  Almost every job you apply for now states that a college degree is required, or at least preferred.  Since employers have you apply online, gone is the chance to dazzle with a first impression. You can’t show them your sense of style.  You don’t get to brag about all the things you can do.  You can’t wow them with your work ethic.  You never get to give them a firm handshake  and a confident smile.

Most days I don’t think about it.  Other days, I have to help the person that has a degree, and got the opportunity, to prepare their final presentation in the program.  I don’t believe that you must have a college degree to be successful or happy in life.  But I do believe that you limit your choices without one.  So, if you’re in school, stay in school until you’re done.  If you’ve got your degree, you have that accomplishment to be proud of, and I admire you for it!

I lead a happy life.  I have a big family, with four children, two stepchildren, six grandkids, with one more on the way!  They bring me so much joy!  I have found meaningful work to do, and love making a difference everyday.  My husband and I get along great and enjoy each other’s company.  We have a lovely home, and great neighbors.  I’ve still got both my parents.  Most days “some college” is just not that bad.

 – Cat